yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
