Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
