At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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