and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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