just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
