apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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