I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
did i just pee glitter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
