we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
