thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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