Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
