if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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