I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your topless pictures make me question reality
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
