they need to just BURY HIM!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
