When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
