Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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