I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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