haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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