Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
