as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
