And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
