I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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