Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
