why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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