adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
