direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
