i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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