im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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