My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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