I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
