Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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