This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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