My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
