Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
