you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
