so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
