I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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