Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
