I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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