We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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