I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were trust falling into bushes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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