and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Randomize
