At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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