I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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