The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
