yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
