after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
