I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
