I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
