I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
4 words: hood of his car
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
