Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
